Search and Rescue

Search and Rescue - 4 Lost Hearts - Part 3

Alexis looks over at the woman sitting next to her, wondering how she could be so sure that this man she spoke about was going to find them. She glanced up at the sky one last time and then looked back over at Nora, "How can you be so sure he's coming?"

She looks over at her, a wistful smile on her face, "Because, the pendant that I left behind, well it symbolizes his heart, and he knows, deep down he knows, I would never, could never give him his heart back....mine doesn't beat right without it."

"Sounds like a love I once had."

"There's something about the one, you know the one who takes your heart, the one that gives you theirs…"

"I gave my heart away a long time ago and I never got it back, but he's moved on...and I've hurt him so much. We're friends now, we're parents, but that's it...he'll own my heart forever, but I don’t think we can ever go back."

A tear escapes, the breeze starts to pick up, she turns to go inside, as she wraps her arms around her, "It's getting chilly, we should go inside."

"Yeah," she says as she stands glancing up at the sky, one single tear falling onto her cheek, quickly dried by the breeze.

*~*

He takes a drink of his bourbon as he pulls the pendant from his pocket, rolling it between his fingers. He sits in his seat; his glass of scotch almost gone; the locket lying in his hand open.

He looks over at the pictures, "They really are beautiful little girls; I would have loved a little girl..."

"I always thought about what it would be like to have a son. Someone to do the things with I never got to do with my father. I love my daughter's with all my heart, but", he pauses for a moment, "Well no use thinking about what could be. I have two beautiful little girls. I'm one lucky man."

He laughs, “She says that he’s the spitting image of me,” he takes a photo from his wallet, "but whenever I look at him it's her eyes staring back at me.” He turns away, not wanting his companion to see the tears threatening to escape.

Ned looks down at the picture of Kristina, wishing he could see himself in his little girl, "She has her mother's eyes. I can look in them and know exactly what she's thinking, just like I could when I looked into Alexis' eyes. I could always find what I was looking for when I looked into her eyes. Kristina is exactly the same, her eyes give her away."

"I'm getting a refill," he says standing, "do you need one?"

"Yeah", handing him his glass, "A refill would be nice."

He takes the glass and heads for the bar...Thoughts of a love come and gone bonding the two men.

*~*

She picks up a mug of tea, "I'm glad Asa stocked the jet full of food, I don't know what we would have done if he didn't."

"Well if we don't find a way out of here soon we're going to run out", walking over to the window; mug in hand.

She laughs as she sits down by the fire, staring into it....

* flashback*

“What are you smiling about?”

“You’re a good kisser.”

“What, why thank you.”

“I shouldn’t have told you that now your head’s gonna get all swollen.”

“Guess that would affect my kissing ability, but I got news for you though Red.”

“What?”

“You’re a good kisser too!”

*end of flashback*

A smile spread across her face as she remembers another snowy day, a day they spent shut off from the world…

*flashback*

“Alexis, you give me what no one else can. You’re like my refuge from all this craziness. And I know I do the same thing for you. And I even get that that’s why you went to Jax to fight your family. I know. You want to keep me as your safe haven.”

*end of flashback

She sighs as she takes the last sip of tea, a catch in her throat, "Nothing, like a warm fire on a cold night huh?" A blush had risen to her cheeks, from remembering.

"Yeah, a warm fire.", her voice catching as she remember what it was like to lie in Ned's arms in front of the fire. "You still love him don't you?"

"With all my heart,” she hesitates, “And you still love him?"

"He is my heart."

She looks over at Nora, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

She hesitates again, "I remember everything about him.”

*~*

He throws his bag in the trunk, the ranger still trying to warn them, "You know it really isn't safe to go up there, we will clear the wreckage site as soon as it is safe...and we will bring you anything that is salvageable."

He slams the trunk down, "I am telling you, we are going up there; our wiv...our children's mothers are up there."

"We're aware of the danger, but no one is going to stop us from trying to find them, no one."

"Listen, I'm sorry for your loss, both of you, I really am, but no one could have survived."

"See that's where you’re wrong, if anyone could have survived, it would have been her.”

Ned looks over at Bo, “They’re both fighters, they survived this, and we’re going to bring them home.”

Smiling at each other, they got in the car. He had the map in his lap, "Take a right up ahead, then its straight for about 30 miles," he doesn't even notice that he’s playing with the heart pendant.

Ned takes his eyes off the road for a moment, noticing the pendant lying in his hands, "That pendant means something doesn't it?"

"Huh?" he looks over at Ned, then down at his hand, "Oh," he gets a smile on his face, "yeah, she says it's my heart...I gave it to her," he looks up at Ned, "she never gave it back."

"Yeah I know what it feels like to give your heart away and never get it back."

He looked at the radio like it was talking just to him, needing to talk about her, about them, "I remember the first time I saw her, like it was yesterday...”

*flashback*

He’s caught off guard by the soda that just poured down the front of him, he looked up to see the cause, and smiled at the red-headed lady with the great pair of gams….’if only’ he thinks….then throws her a wink as he walks away…..She apologizes for bumping his glass, then gets lost in his sparkling eyes and when he smiles, she gets lost in though….’if only’ she thinks as she gives a smile and walks away….

*End of flashback*

"I know what you mean. The first time I ever saw her I knew my life was never going to be the same.”

**flashback**

Raising his glass, “Ned Ashton, half a Quatermaine, half a man.”

“Alexis Davis, Attorney at Law. Should we file suit to get your other half back?”

**end of flashback**

*~*

"I'll never forget the first time I saw him smile," she looks over at Alexis, "His smile got me every time, it still does."

"Ned's smile...his smile always melted my heart, and the first time I ever saw it well...I was a goner. It was a lonely Christmas Eve night and it changed my life forever."

After taking every detour
Getting lost and losing track
So that even if I wanted
I could not find my way back

*~*

"I fought it at first, I fought everything about us, I had just lost my wife, I wanted to die, but there she was....my light leading me to shore.”

"When I first met Alexis I was commiserating the failure of my latest marriage. She changed my life. She was the only one who loved me for me, not what they wanted me to be."

*~*

After driving out the memory
Of the way things might have been
After I’d forgotten all about us
The song remembers when

*~*

"I started falling for him, before I knew what happened, but I fought it, it was too soon, he had just lost his wife," she takes a sip of her drink, "I didn't want to get hurt, but more than that, I didn't want him to get hurt again."

"I found myself completely lost in this man before I even knew what was happening. I've never been good with matters of the heart, but he showed me that I was capable of love,” she stands and walks over to the fireplace, “that I was worthy of love", her mind drifting, "He was the only one who loved me for me."

*~*

We were rolling through the Rockies
We were up above the clouds
When a station out of Jackson played that song
And it seemed to fit the moment
And the moment seemed to freeze
When we turned the music up and sang along

He points to the left, “Take that road there,” Silence comes between them for a moment, until he begins laughing as he remembers, "Our first kiss, if you could call it that, we were at a masquerade ball, and got shoved together, all of a sudden our lips touched, but more importantly, our souls ignited. I knew then....we were going to be together."

He looks out at the road in front of him, his mind brought back in time for a moment, "Our first kiss was...electrifying....it was after the Nurse’s ball, a charity benefit for our hospital,” he smiles as he remembers, “I paid a band to play just for us. It was like something out of a dream. The first time our lips touched, she was a piece of me. I knew I would never love another...not like that."

And there was a god in heaven
And the world made perfect sense
We were young and were in love
And we were easy to convince
We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I have forgotten all about it
The song remembers when

*~*

She looks at her empty cup, the plate full of ding dong wrappers and Cheeto leftovers, thankful that Asa remembered her love for junk food, "Our first date was at Serenity Springs Spa, it was a healthy date."

She looks at the fire; the embers taking her back in time, "I walked into the restaurant where we were meeting for our first date and I heard him singing. I couldn't believe what just the sound of his voice was doing to me...."

*~*

I guess something must have happened
And we must have said goodbye
And my heart must have been broken
Though I can't recall just why
The song remembers when

"She made me wait.... I was glad she did, I would have waited forever, just for one night with her,” he gets lost in thought…

"Alexis....she guards her heart....but it was a good thing she did....when it finally happened, when I finally got to, well let’s just say I knew it was meant to be", he looks out at the road ahead of him, lost in thought....

*~*

Well, for all the miles between us
And for all the time that's passed
You would think I haven't gotten very far
And I hope my hasty heart
Will forgive me just this once
If I stop to wonder how on earth you are

"I'll never forget when he first told me he loved me, well actually he didn't tell me, he told his father,

*flashback.*

“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

“I will if you will. I swear.”

“So help me, God.”

“So help me, God. I told my father, Asa Buchanan, to stop insulting the woman I love.”

“Oh, yes, well, is this woman present here?”

“Is she ever.”

“Could you point her out to me, please?”

“With the court’s permission, I’ll do better than that.” (he takes her in his arms and kisses her)

“Are you positive that this is the woman?”

“Absolutely. I know by the scent of her hair, by the way that her eyes sparkle; by the way that she feels when I’m holding her against me. Her name is Nora Gannon, and I love everything about her, from her incredibly sharp mind to her incredibly bad eating habits.”

“And there’s never a chance that you’re mistaken?”

“IM.POSS.IB.LE. But I’d like to testify just a little bit more. Not only did she save my life and restore my faith in humanity, she did something even harder than that-she made me happy again.”

“Case dismissed.”

*end of flashback*

"We were together for a year before we said those words....

*flashback*

“There are probably a thousand ways to say you love someone. You can say she’s beautiful and hope she understands you don’t mean the obvious by it. You mean the color of your hair and the curve of your shoulder affects you the way music does”, pauses for a moment, “That the sight of her entering a room makes you think forbidden thoughts”, smiling, “And you feel blessed among mortals that they’re not forbidden to you. You can tell her that she makes you feel for the first time in her” his voice cracking—“for the first time in your life easy in your own skin. That who you actually are with no hiding or dressing up, is all you need to live today, tomorrow, and all the days after, as long as she’s there. Or…or you don’t worry about what it means and you just say it. Because in the calmness of your head, and in your heart, it’s the truest thing you know, and it’s time that I say it…. “I love you, Alexis.”

“I’ve told exactly two men in my life that I love them, my brother and my nephew. Neither of which want to have anything to do with me right now, so I hope that’s not any kind of precedent,” he smiles at her knowing she is nervous, “It’s not that we Cassadines aren’t clever with words, I mean we can explain the most complicated philosophical reasoning, but not the simplest emotion. For that we favor arsenic or a gentle push in front of a speeding car.”

“Not you.”

“No, no, not me.” Looking into his eyes, “Not me. If I never told you I loved you it’s because I thought it would,” nervous, struggling to say what she wants to say, “scare you away. I was so determined not to do that one thing, that I was willing to do the other in secret. But now that you mention it, I do love you”, pausing for a moment, “Ned Ashton.”

*end of flashback*

*~*

They’re both lost in thought as they remember their lives together, the ups the downs and everything in between…until they finally walked away from what they had…

Forgetting he isn't alone, he lets the tears come, as he plays through the memories of their life in his mind…he remembers the day that he asked her to be his wife, afterwards, while sipping root beer and eating popcorn..."Do you love me?" "I do, I do, I do, I do , I do"*~*

Staring at the blazing fire, stoking it from time to time, she allows the tears to fall as the memories start flooding her mind, ….she sees Little Richard at the front of the church, suddenly everything feels right…."It's the one thing we've always had. One thing that was never wrong, not for a minute, was this love we have...." “I hope the music keeps playing for us as long as it possibly can, because as long as I got you, that dance can just go on forever." Then she smiles as she remembers Hawaii…."Do you realize this is the first time that we're gonna do it as husband and wife? In this far away little hotel room, on this far away little island where they leave chocolates on your pillow every night……You show me yours I'll show you mine."

*~*

He chuckles as he goes back to their first time as husband and wife…she acted as if she didn’t want to make love, yet they stayed in the room the entire time, "I love it when you talk dessert."……His smile starts to fade as he recalls a time, when he thought he wasn’t enough for her, but smiled as he realized, that he was all she ever wanted….."When I wake up in the morning, I thank God because you’re lying there beside me."

*~*

She continues to stoke the fire, remembering her jealousy, and how he put her at ease, "I may be a little dumb but I'm not stupid so I ain't letting you go."…and remembering how much he loved her, how much he stood by her, when she was so confused by what was happening to her….."You shouldn't have done this" "I had to I was scared, afraid you might crawl back under those covers forever and not take me along so...I had to act fast."….and the day that he took her home, worried that he didn’t know how to rev her up, making her feel like a million bucks, the day he gave her ‘his heart’…"I've I've got this crush." "What?" "It's just this really big crush on you."

*~*

He stares at the pendant, remembering what it looked like on her…’his heart over hers...a perfect fit…. "And being this in love with you, you know, doesn't stop me from falling in love with you all over again every day."

*~*

They both think about the day they thought they lost it all….standing on Viki’s porch…."I’ve never loved anyone my whole life the way I love you and never will." I love you so much…" "that it hurts." "yes"

*~*

He remembered when Sam began to invade their lives…but he couldn’t imagine his life without her, without making contact with her…."In your heart are you with me?" "In my heart? My heart is you."

*~*

She sees the lodge, when Sam professed his love for her, when the chinks began to get bigger in their relationship and remembers sitting with Bo… "You're my husband, you're my future aren't you?" He smiles and nods as they take each others hands.

*~*

She swallows, remembering that fateful New Year’s Eve, the one where they could have started over, before the bridge was burned….if only they had been given a few more minutes, if only they had given into their feelings…and told each other how they really felt….. "Oh, I'm in your life, you couldn't get me out of it if you tried." "I don't want to try."

*~*

He thinks back to a time, where if she had just answered differently, he would have taken her in his arms and gone back ‘home’ again…."Are you sure about marrying Sam?" Her uncertain look giving him hope, her non-answer taking it away.

*~*

He thinks about the day, the one he hit his knees, begging her to hear him, thinking he had lost her forever, much like this time, hoping that she heard those words she had needed to hear but couldn’t say………"I forgive you."…….because by saying them he would have been setting her free to love another and as much as it hurt to be with her…..the idea of her with someone else ripped his heart out.

*~*

Speaking aloud, lost in his thoughts, "I never thought there would be a day, that she wouldn't be the last thing I saw at night."

*~*

She hobbles over to the window, whispering to herself….."I never thought there would be a day, that he wasn't the first thing I saw in the morning."

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
Still I guess some things we bury
Are just bound to rise again
For even if the whole world has forgotten

They’re both lost in thought as they remember their lives together, the ups the downs and everything in between…until they finally walked away from what they had…

She walks over to the window and looks out at the snow that has begun to fall again. She let the tears fall as the memories come, another blizzard so long ago, “Ohhhh, I was really hoping you’d have some”….Lifting the lid off the tray, “Chocolate covered strawberries?”

*~*

He stares out at the road ahead of him, his mind filling with memories as he lets them take him back in time; back to the best time in his life, “Belonging to a family has always been a dream of mine.”… “Well you’ll have it. Is there anything else you want?” “To make someone else happy”… “Well you’ve already done that or don’t I count. Everything you’ve ever wanted is right here for the taking. All you have to do is hold on to it and don’t let go.” … “Okay.”

*~*

She looks down at her empty cup, still lost in the past, “The problem is the way you look at me when I walk into a room and more importantly how I feel after you’ve made love to me. It’s never been easy for me to get close to people and I feel close to you. And I don’t want anything to change that.”

*~*

He looks over at the man sitting next to him, who is obviously lost in his own thoughts. He looked back out at the road ahead of him, and thought back to when he had first realized what it truly meant to have a broken heart, “Join me in a toast.”… “To what?” “To the late great us.”

*~*

She looks over at Nora, who is staring at the fire; lost in her own memories. She turns back and looks out the window, remembering the day they had given into their passion…if only for the afternoon, “If I could just disappear for a day”… “An afternoon”… “An hour, just an hour.” “Yeah”… “So where are you off to?”… “Oh, my room. How about you?”… “Yeah how about me.”

*~*

He thinks back, to the night they finally got it back, “Are you angry?” She looks at him mischievously; toying with him, “How angry? Should I be angry back? Should you throw me out or should I leave? Contrite…And then wait a week. Maybe two. Until we’re both desperately lonely. And then I’ll start lurking around the hotel lobby, hoping to run into you. Or we could skip all the above and just go straight to the making out…Up.”… “I need to think about it. Hmm…” throwing her arms around him kissing him, “Okay, you’re forgiven.”

*~*

She walks over and sits on the couch; pulling her legs up under her, thinking about the time when she was afraid they were taking their love for granted, “I love you, a little more every single day. I would have never hopped on this marriage-go-round, if I thought that anything, anything, would come between us. And it hasn’t has it?”, she shakes her head, “We take time for each other, and we’re going to come out of this stronger”, she rests her forehead against his, “than we’ve ever been.”… “I adore you.”

*~*

He looks down at the radio and back up at the road ahead of him. He thinks back to the time when he was afraid he would lose his way, afraid of the new life lying out ahead of him. She promised they’d find their way together, “Put down the key’s Gatekeeper. There’s a whole new world waiting for you.”… “I hear it’s easy to get lost out there.”… “So we’ll find our way together,” taking her hand. “Let’s go.”

*~*

She took the blanket off the couch and wrapped herself in it; longing to be warm; to be in his arms, to be home… “But one thing I do know. I know that I love you. So even if we can’t figure out a way to make this whole relationship work, somewhere along the way I think you became home, and today I just felt a little homesick.”

*~*

As they neared the crash site he thought about the first time he thought he had lost her, “We’ve done everything we can in this location.”… “Everything but find them I know they’re down there Jerry. I can feel her.”

*~*

She closes her eyes, thinking back to the time she feared she’d never see his face again, “In case I forgot to mention it to you—as I was being thrown to the ground and bullets were flying all over my head the last thing I saw”, pointing at him, “was your face and the last thought I had was how sorry I was for hurting you, and how much I wish I had the chance to tell you, whether married or not,” her voice cracking, “that I lo—love you with all my heart.”

She looks up at the sky, whispering to herself, “I hope I get the chance to ask you to forgive me, to get a chance to come home again.”

He looks out the window and up at the sky, whispering to himself, “I hope I get the chance to finally tell you, that I’ve forgiven you. That I may have tried to move on without you, that I’ve never been home except with you.”

*~*

He is brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Bo’s voice, "Over there, look!" He points to an old shed; firelight casting shadows through the window...

The song remembers when
Yeah, and even if the whole world has forgotten
The song remembers when

Trisha Yearwood
The Song Remembers When

TBC…