Search & Rescue: 4 Lost Hearts: Chapter Two
Ned rolls over and looks at the clock when he hears Kristina's babbling coming through the monitor, "5:30 in the morning, man you definitely don't take after your mother in the sleeping in department." He walks passed his cell phone and turns it on finally noticing the message light blinking, "Hmmm...she must’ve left a message.”
He listens to the message as he flips on the TV sitting down on the end of the bed. He listens to her message and the news report at the same time. The cell phone falls to the floor as the words the reporter is speaking hit home.
Ned picks the phone back up and dials the familiar number, "We're sorry the cellular customer you are trying to reach is either unavailable or out of the service area. Please try your call again later. "Damnit Alexis, this can't be happening.” He hangs up the phone and makes another call, "Have the jet ready to go in 20 minutes. We're going to Llanview...Llanview PA...”
He dials another number as he quickly dresses. "Em it's me. Can you come down to the gatehouse and stay with the girls. I've got to go out of town on an emergency....I don't have time to explain Em, please just come."
In Llaniew, an hour and a half later he rolls over and looks at the clock, when he hears the knock on the door, it was 7:30. "Mom's here." Matthew runs to answer the door as Bo gets out of bed.
Matthew throws open the door and his smile disappears, "Oh, hi granpa, gramma." Bo comes out and walks over to them.
"Pa, what's going on? Do you know what time it is?" He looks over at Renee, seeing the red in her eyes, like she's been crying. "Hey champ, why don't you take gramma in your room and show her the pictures on your computer from yesterday."
"Okay," he says taking her hand and leading her to his room.
"Don't you ever check your messages Bo?"
"What are you talking about Pa?" He runs his hand through his hair before shutting the door.
"I called and left a message on your machine, another on your voicemail, Bo..."
"What is it Pa, what's wrong, is it Clint, Viki, the kids?"
"Son," he puts his hand on his shoulder, "Maybe you should sit down."
"Pa, just tell me already, Nora is going to be here any minute to get Matthew and …"
Asa's eyes started to tear. "Bo…" He swallows.
"No, no it's not Nora; she's on her way home, her plane got delayed."
"She called me last night, she borrowed the jet, so she could get home by this morning, there was a crash Bo."
"Okay, where is she? I'll go see her, then arrange for her to be moved here to recover." Asa shook his head.
Another knock on the door brought Matthew sailing into the living room again, "Mom!" He throws open the door.
Bo looks up confused; still in shock, not able to get a handle on what Asa was trying to tell him, "Ned? What are you doing here?' He asks as he heads over to the door.
Asa looks between the two men. "Who are you?"
Bo answers, "Pa, this is Ned Ashton, Ned, Asa Buchanan, my father."
"What are you doing here?"
"Matthew," he takes his son by the shoulders, "can you go back in your bedroom with gramma, please."
"But dad, where's mom? Can I call her and see when she’s coming?."
His heart breaks at his son’s innocent request, Ned and Asa both look at the boy who has no idea his whole world is going to fall apart. His voice catches in his throat, "Umm, not right now champ, go see gramma." He pushes him towards his room.
He waited until Matthew was out of the room before turning back to Asa and Bo, "I received a message from my daughter’s mother saying that she was on your private jet, with a fellow lawyer she met at the airport. I was watching the news this morning and they reported that the Buchanan Enterprises private jet crashed in the Rocky Mountains", his voice cracking for a minute. "I remember you said you were the Commissioner of Police and that Buchanan Enterprises was your father's business. I want to know the truth...was Alexis on that plane?"
Bo looks at Asa, "Pa, who was on the plane?"
"Nora, and another lawyer, someone she met at the conference, the plane was going to drop her in Port Charles."
"Alexis," he mumbles quietly, looking up at Bo, the pain in their eyes mirroring the others.
The realization hits him, he falls on the couch, his head in his hands, "My God, no, I can't lose her, not again."
"Lose who?" Matthew goes over to his father's side, "Who'd you lose dad?"
Renee walks in the room and looks at Asa. "I tried to stop him" she mouthed.
Ned walks over towards the door, his heart breaking all over again, "Um...I'm going to", looking between the others in the room, "I'm going to leave you to your family. I...I just needed to know if she was on the plane."
"We can get you a room at the Palace, why don't you stay?"
"Thank you but, I really should get back to my daughter's," his voice cracking. "They...they don't know yet."
An innocent voice again, "What don't they know? Did you lose her too?"
"Matthew, come here champ, I need to talk to you." He leads Matthew back to towards the bedroom. He turns back, "Ned, I'll call you."
Ned just nods as he closes the door behind him, knowing that nothing in his world or in the lives of the two little girls waiting for him at home will ever be the same again.
Bo sits on the bed, pulling Matthew up into his lap, "Champ, I need to tell you something, something important."
"Is this about who you lost?"
He looks down at his son, her brown eyes staring up at him, he swallows, unsure how to tell him, "Matthew, your mom…"
"She got lost on her way home, so she's going to be late isn't she?"
"Matthew you need to listen to me okay, just listen," he brushes the hair back from his forehead. "Your mom didn't get lost son, she, she, she went home."
"Home, well then can we go over there?"
"No Matthew, I don't mean home as in Llanview, I mean she went home to heaven," he looked at his sons tear-filled eyes.
"Mom's an angel again?" he whispered.
"Yes, son, but that means, she's always going to be here looking out for you, and right here," he placed his hand over his son's heart, "she'll always be here."
He looked up at his father seeing the tears in his eyes, he took his small hand and placed it over his father's heart, "She'll always be here too dad." With that he broke down into sobs, holding on to Matthew as hard as he could.
Ned boards the ELQ jet and arrives back in Port Charles. He walks back into the Gatehouse an hour and half later. Emily walks out of the kitchen, Kristina running behind her when Ned closes the door, "Ned you're home already."
She notices his swollen eyes and the pain in them when he looks at Kristina, her
brown eyes staring up at him, "Ned, what's wrong? What happened?"
"Em, where's Brook?"
"She's up at the main house with Grandmother."
"Can you stay with Kristina while I go get her?"
"Sure but Ned, please tell me what's wrong."
"It's Alexis..."
"Mama?", her innocence stealing his voice for a moment.
Ned looks down at their little girl, "Yes, mama." He looks back up at Emily, "There...there was a plane crash..."
"No...not Alexis."
"They said that it went down in the Rocky Mountains during a blizzard...there...they haven’t' found any survivors."
Emily walked over and took Ned in her arms, "I'm so sorry Ned…"
"I don't know how I'm going to explain this to Brook or Kristina”, pulling out of her embrace, “She's still dealing with Lois' death, and now this...", looking over at Kristina who is now laying on the floor playing with her toys, “Kristina’s never going to remember her. She's never going to remember how much her mother loved her."
"Ned...you'll tell her...you'll tell her every day how much Alexis loved her."
He looks at his cousin, the tears freely falling onto his cheek, not bothering to wipe them away, "I loved her...no I love her. I've always loved her. No matter what happened between us, deep down the love was always there. I don't want to have to go through this life without her in it, in some way. I..."
"I know how much you loved her. How much you've always loved her. The two of you have hurt each other too much not to have loved each other, as mixed up as that might sound. She'll always be here with you," pointing over at Kristina, "You have your daughter."
Just then Brook came running through the door stopping in her tracks when she sees her father's tears, "Daddy?"
Ned walks over to Brook and kneels down in front of her, "Daddy...” looking around the room, "Where's Alexis?"
"Brook, honey...Alexis was...There was a plane crash last night..."
"No...You’re lying....You're lying to me. She's coming home this morning...she's going to come over and we're going to put up the tree. We're going to put up the tree."
"Brook..."
"No!!!!! I'm not listening to anymore of your lies," she runs upstairs; Ned jumps at the sound of her bedroom door slamming closed.
"I'll go talk to her for you if you want."
"No, that's okay...I'll just give her some time, but can you stay with them for a while. I want to tell the family before they hear about it on the news."
*~*
The family gathers for Christmas Eve at Asa's house, Matthew is playing with Jessica and Natalie keeping his mind occupied. Bo is out on the terrace, nursing a bourbon. Gabby comes up behind him, snaking her hands around his waist, "She's in a better place Bo." He closes his eyes, wishing it was Nora's arms around him.
He turns to her, releasing himself from her grip, "Maybe she is, but how do I explain that to her son, OUR son?"
"Bo, I know it's hard, but you do get through it, I mean I never thought I would get over losing Al, but I did, and he was my son...” His eyes turned cold as he looked at her.
"Nora was his mother, and she was my," ' my what he thought,’ why on earth was this killing him?' "My best friend."
"I'm here for you Bo, I love you, and I’ll always be here for you and for Matthew." 'For Matthew,' he looked at her, he loved this woman standing in front of him, but there was no way that she would ever be the mother that he needed, she could never be Nora.
"Matthew will be okay after the service, it will give him closure."
"No," he looked up at her, “Matthew isn't going to any service for his mother. He's too young.
"He went to Sam’s; Nora thought he was old enough."
"Yeah, well she's not here, so she doesn't get to decide," he slammed his drink down on the table and walked back inside. "Hey, champ you ready to go home?"
Matthew walked over to him, "Yeah I guess."
"Hey come on Matthew cheer up," Jessica said, "Santa's coming tonight, bet you he brings lots of presents."
He looks at her tears in his eyes, "I don't believe in Santa, he said it's the season of miracles, my mom dying isn't a miracle; it sucks." He ran outside to the car.
They arrived at the garret a short time later, Gabrielle got out of the car. Bo and Matthew stayed put. "What is it, champ?"
"I want to go home dad."
"We are home."
Matthew looked up at his father, "I want to go to my home dad, mine and moms."
He nodded his head, "Okay. That's where we'll go, just let me tell Gabrielle."
He got out of the car and went over to Gabrielle, "What's going on Bo?"
"I'm taking Matthew to his house."
"Do you think that's smart?"
"He's a little boy and he just lost his mother, I don't know what’s right or wrong, all I know is that is what he wants and that is what I am going to do."
"Well, okay, let me go get a change of clothes." He turns to look at Matthew.
"Gabrielle, I don't think that's a good idea. I think Matthew and I need to be alone. He needs to mourn for his mother, he needs to say goodbye." He takes her in his arms, "I'm sorry, I love you." He kisses her quickly and gets back in the car.
Brooke came down later and sits down beside Emily, laying her head in her lap. Emily runs her hands through her hair, trying to come up with the right words to say to ease the little girl’s pain. Ned had been gone for hours. She looks over at Kristina who is sleeping on the other end of the couch, oblivious to the changes in her little world, "Brook, honey do you want to get things ready for Santa?"
"Santa's not coming to our house tonight?"
"Oh, I'm sure he has lots of toys for Kristina and surprises for you."
"No, I told him that I didn't want anything for Christmas this year except for..."
"Except for what, sweetie?"
"I asked for a family. I wanted daddy and Alexis to get married and make us a family, and now that's not going to happen."
"I'm so sorry, Brook..."
"I loved her. I loved her like I loved my mom. Do you think she knew that I loved her?"
"Yeah, she knew honey. She knew."
Ned walked into the Q living room after walking around the estate for hours, trying to come to grips with his new reality. He had wanted to tell the family as soon as he left the gatehouse but couldn’t bring himself to go up to the main house. He spent hours on the boat dock looking out at the water; remembering their afternoon with Jax and Chloe and the time Alexis attempted to make him a rock and roll star type barbeque. Finally he made his way up to the main house. He was waiting in the living room for Reginald to finish rounding up the rest of the family. Edwards' bellows could be heard through out the house. Ned walked over to the wet bar and poured himself a glass of scotch, downing it in one gulp. "Ned....Ned this better be good. We’ve got to get to the hospital for the Christmas Eve party."
Lila notices Ned's haggard look, "Darling what's wrong?"
He looks around the room, at these people who were his family and suddenly he never felt more alone, "There was...umm...Alexis was in LA yesterday for a law conference and well her flight kept getting delayed...she… for some reason she decided to get on a private jet in the middle of a storm and umm...the plane went down," his voice cracks, "there...there weren't any survivors...She's...she's gone."
"Oh Ned, darling, I'm so sorry."
"Thank you...," looking around the room again, feeling as though the walls were closing in around him, "well you know I just wanted you to hear it from me...I'm...I'm going to go see my daughter's now...our daughter's.", he walks out of the room before they could see the tears fall.
*~*
Bo opened the door and they walked in the house, it smelled like her. "I'm going to go change," Matthew headed for the stairs.
He walked around the house, looking at knick knacks, thinking of her, smiling. As he got to the bookshelf, he found a photo album. He opened it, pictures of he, Nora, and Matthew filled the pages. The tears falling down his cheeks, "I loved you Red, God help me I still love you, I only wish I had been strong enough to tell you when you were alive."
*~*
Ned opens the door to her apartment and turns on the light. The scent of gardenias, her scent, fills his senses as he walks over towards the mantle. He looks at the pictures lining the mantle, tears welling up in his eyes as he looks at the images in front of him. Pictures of her and Kristina, her and Brooke, both of the girls with Alexis alone, and both of the girls with Ned and Alexis, covered the mantle. He picked up one of the four of them and walked over to the couch, running his fingers over her face, “I loved you Alexis, and despite everything that’s happened between us I still love you; I only wish I had been strong enough to tell you when you were alive.” He put the picture back up on the mantle and walked back into Kristina’s room to get what he had come to get, leaving a few minutes later.
*~*
Three weeks have come and gone. He looks up from his desk, "Yeah Pa, what do you want?"
"I came to see how you were doing, and to bring you this, it was found at the, at the wreckage site."
He took the bag from Asa and shoved it in his pocket. "Thanks."
"Don't you want to see what it is?"
He looks up at him, his eyes dark from the lack of sleep, "Unless somehow it's going to make Nora appear in front of me again, no, I could care less what's in this bag. Now if you don't mind I have work to do, so I can get home and see my son." Asa leaves and Bo continues to work.
*~*
He looks up from his desk when Zander walks into his office. He hands Ned a package, “This just came for you. They said it was found amongst the wreckage. They sent it here because Alexis had this address on some papers in her briefcase that was also found.”
He takes the package from Zander and places it in his pocket, “Thanks.”
“Don’t you want to know what’s in the package?”
He looks up at him, his eyes void of every emotion but anger, “Unless it’ll make Alexis walk through that door right now I could care less about what’s in this package. Now I’m sorry, but I have a lot of work to do.” Zander leaves Ned to his work.
Later that night he tucks Matthew in, after holding him for an hour while he cried for his mother. Nothing Bo said to him would bring his mother back, and that was all their little boy wanted. He takes the bourbon and walks out on the back porch, looking up into the sky....
*flashback*
“Oh, look you can see the gumdrop.”
“See the what?”
“It's that little cluster of starts just to the left of Orion’s belt I called it the gumdrop when I was a kid. .....”
“Can you actually see that though, that little group of stars, its pretty faint.”
“Yeah I can isn't that great, I gotta be the luckiest woman in the world.”
*end of flashback*
Somewhere out there,
Beneath the pale moon night,
Someone's thinking of me,
And loving me tonight.
Later that same night in Port Charles, he finished putting the girls down for the night. Brooke rarely talked to him. Kristina cried for her mother at night, not understanding why she wasn’t coming home. He walked out onto the front porch and looked up at the sky, taking another sip of his scotch. He thought about how many times he would walk up to his front door and find her sitting there waiting for him…one night stands out…
*flashback*
Ned waltzes into the gatehouse patio; startling Alexis who is sitting at the patio table.
Ned holds out his hand as if to still Alexis “Don’t move.”
Alexis looks around slightly worried, “Snake?”, Ned shakes his head. “Sniper on the roof?” Ned peers up on the roof, shaking his head no, “Am I under arrest?”
Ned holds out his hand as if framing Alexis’ face, “I’m just taking a mental picture for future reference…you see this is how I want to see my front entrance every time I come home, with you right here in the front.”
Alexis stands up, “Well you can just have a lawn ornament made of me.”
“Say cheese.”
“Cheese…” She looks at him unsure.
He holds out his arms, “Now come to Papa.”
**end of flashback**
Somewhere out there,
Someone's saying a prayer,
That we'll find one another,
In that big somewhere out there.
Rocky Mountains, CO
She hobbles outside onto the dilapidated porch; such a clear night she could see forever…the snow finally letting up since the night they found the cabin three weeks before…
*Flashback*
“Look, it’s a shooting star.”
“Did you make a wish?”
“Yep.”
“Tell me.”
“OK. I wish your tofu on rye would turn into a chili dog and fries.”
“No, come on! Tell me, tell me.”
“This is a serious wish. I wish that, no matter what happens between us, we never hurt each other.”
*end of flashback*
And even though I
know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star,
And when the night wind starts to sing
A lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the
Same big sky.
She walks up beside her; her arm in the makeshift sling. She looks up at the sky and thinks back in time....She let herself pretend she wasn’t stuck in an old cabin in the middle of nowhere the snow still cutting them off from the rest of the world, but she was with Ned and they were in their very own one room cottage in the French Alps…
**flashback**
“That’s nice. Now lean back here”, he puts his arms around her, she leans back against his chest; putting her feet up on the couch, “That’s right, relax” Alexis shifts to get comfortable, “Comfortable?”
“Mmm Hmm.”
“Close your eyes,” she closes her eyes as he runs his finger up along her shoulder and across her collarbone, “Now where are we?”
“It’s not the rainforest.”
“No.”
“It’s a one room cottage. Very small village. Somewhere in the…French Alps.”, she opens her eyes, “And there are no phones, no modems, no faxes…”, he places his hands over her eyes causing her to close them again, “nothing electronic.”
“Is there a bed?”
She opens her eyes and smiles, and then closes them again, “It’s right in the middle of the room. It’s a fluffy bed, with down comforters, right in front of a roaring fireplace.
He looks down at her, “And are we lovers?”
She sits up and turns and looks at him seriously, “Not yet.”
She stands and walks away from him; he follows her, “What could we possibly be thinking?”
She steps up to him, and slides his coat off of him, “I was thinking we were doing
too much thinking.”
**end of flashback**
“What I wouldn’t give to be in your arms right now, Ned,” she thinks to herself.
*~*
Llanview, PA
He leans against the doorjamb, hearing the bag crumple in his pocket. He finishes the bourbon, setting down his glass; he pulls the bag out ripping it open. He reaches inside pulling out her purple silk scarf; the light catches something, he reaches for it…
*~*
Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
*~*
Rocky Mountains, CO
She looks over at her newfound friend and confidante, "Don't worry, if they find the scarf he'll know."
**flashback**
“Oh it's perfect. It's a perfect fit. Your heart over mine.”
**end of flashback**
*~*
Back in Llanview, he untangles the pendant from the scarf and pulls it to his chest…
**flashback**
“It's just beautiful, I'm gonna wear it everyday, I'm gonna wear it everyday and everywhere.”
“That would be perfect.”
**end of flashback**
He looks at the sky.....a shooting star; he smiles as he realizes that she's out there. He turns to go inside and picks up the phone.
*~*
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small package that he received earlier that morning, He dumped the contents into his hand, his breath catching in his throat as his tears attempt to choke him, "It's her locket," he says to himself. He opens it and looks into the innocent eyes of his little girls. He reads the inscription, "Our Girls, Happy Mother's Day 2004."
**flashback**
Alexis pulls out the locket from the box and looks up at “their girls”; tears welling up in her eyes. “It’s beautiful.”
“Daddy took us to go get the picture taken, and I picked out the locket.”
“You did a beautiful job, Brooke. I love it…and I love you…my girls.”
**end of flashback**
Suddenly it was as though he could feel her all around him, telling him that she wasn’t gone...He was brought out of his thoughts by the ringing of the phone, just as he was reaching for it.
"Hello?"
"Ned, it's Bo, she's alive and I'm going to find her."
"Have...did you hear something?"
He looks at the pendant in his hand, "Not exactly, it's just a feeling, she's out there and she's waiting for me to find her."
"I just had the same feeling about Alexis and was picking up the phone to call you when it rang. They're out there Bo, and we're the only ones who can find them. I'll have the jet in Llanview in an hour."
"I'll be waiting."
Somewhere out there, out where dreams, come true.
And even though i know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star,
He calls Asa "I need you to watch Matthew for a few days."
"Okay son, no problem."
*~*
He calls Emily, "I need you to come stay with the girls for a few days."
"Okay, Ned no problem.”
He walks upstairs and kneels down beside Brook’s, bed...I'm bringing her home sweetheart." He walks down the hallway into Kristina's room, he leans over her crib, “I'm going to go get Mommy, princess...I'm bringing mommy home."
*~*
He walked into Matthew’s bedroom watching him sleep, brushing the hair back off his forehead, he whispered, “I’m going to get your mom champ, I’m going to get her and bring her home, where she belongs.” He nudges him slightly, “Son, you need to wake up, I need to take you to Granpa’s house.”
And when the night
wind starts to sing
A lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the
Same big sky.
Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through, (can see us through)
Then, we'll be together,
Somewhere out there, out where dreams, come true.
Still staring at the sky, she sees a shooting star; she looks over at Alexis a smile on her face, "He's coming."
Kenny Loggins
Album: Return To Pooh Corner
Title: Somewhere Out There
TBC....