Chapter Six:
Nora sat in the back of the ambulance staring at the activity surrounding his car. The fire department had put out the flames and all that remained was a burnt out shell. She slowly turned her head when she heard someone call her name, “I…I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“We’re going to take you to the hospital now, Mrs. Buchanan. You’re going to need a few stitches for that cut on your head.”
She slowly raised a trembling hand up to her head. She looked down at the blood on her fingertips. She looked back up at the paramedic and slowly nodded her head. She shifted in her seat and they closed the doors. She heard the siren begin to wail. She stared out the two small windows, the remains of his car became smaller and smaller until they turned the corner and it was out of sight. She looked down at her hands, resting in her lap. She turned her hand, straightening the rings on her finger. She continued to stare at her hands as the ambulance made its way through the streets of Llanview.
The ambulance stopped outside of the ER moments later. Antonio had followed the ambulance to the hospital. He wanted to make sure that Nora was okay. He had called ahead and Larry was waiting for them outside. Larry helped her down out of the ambulance and she collapsed in his arms, “Someone help me here, please,” he shouted.
Antonio ran over and picked Nora up, carrying her into the ER. He pushed open the door to the exam room, carefully laying her down on the bed. She came to a moment later, “Bo…”
Larry walked over and picked up her hand, “No honey, it’s just me.”
“Larry…Larry where’s Bo? I need you to go find Bo. He needs your help, he’s hurt.”
“Nora, honey…”
“Larry, please…” she begged.
“Okay, listen why don’t you let me take a look at that cut, and then we’ll take it from there.” Nora nodded.
Larry stitched Nora’s cut and gave her a mild sedative along with some pain medication. He knew she wouldn’t accept the sedative if he had simply suggested it and he wanted her to rest. She was still in shock and when the full reality of what happened sunk in he wanted her to be in the hospital, with him close by.
Renee arrived at the hospital a few minutes later with Asa. Matthew had been asleep for hours and they instructed Nigel to keep him away from the TV and to keep reporters away from the house. The only person that he needed to hear this sort of news from was his mother, no one else. They walked over to Larry when he came out of Nora’s room, “Larry how is she?”
“She has a pretty nasty cut on her head, and she’s in shock, which is to be expected. Antonio Vega said you were also there Renee, you should be checked out?”
“I’m fine, Larry. I…I just can’t believe this is happening?”
She turned and buried her head against Asa’s chest, “I just don’t understand who would want my boy dead?”
Larry reached out and laid his hand on Asa’s arm, “I’m truly sorry, Asa, Renee. Bo was a wonderful man, I was proud to call him my friend.”
Asa just nodded as the tears welled up in his eyes. He turned at the sound of the elevator doors opening. Viki walked over and embraced each of them, “I’m so sorry. I heard about it on the radio. Where’s Nora?”
“She’s in there. Larry gave her a sedative.”
“I called Clint. He said he was taking the next flight out. He should be here in the morning.”
“Thank you, Viki.”
Viki embraced her father-in-law once again, “I’m going to go in and sit with her. I don’t want her to wake up alone. We need to call Susannah, Susannah should be here.”
Asa kissed her cheek, “We’ll take care of it. We’re going to go home and make sure we’re both there when Matthew wakes up in the morning. Will you stay with her until Susannah arrives?”
“Of course.”
Viki quietly walked into the room and sat down beside her. An hour later the door slowly swung open and Susannah walked in. Viki and Susannah walked out into the hallway for a moment, not wanting to disturb her, “I’m sorry, it took me so long, I had to call MaryAnn to come sit with the baby. How long has she been sleeping?”
“Larry gave her the sedative about a half hour before I got here so I’m going to guess she’s been asleep for almost an hour and a half.”
“Thank you for sitting with her,” she paused for a moment, the tears welling up in her eyes, “Why…why did this happen to them?”
Viki just shook her head, there were no answers to that question; there was no acceptable reason why. Viki was just about to say something when they heard her yell out. They ran into the room and she was sitting up in the bed. Susannah ran to her side and sat down on the bed, “Nora…Nora, honey…”
Nora climbed out of bed, “Bo…I…I have to go find Bo…He needs me…”
Susannah ran over to her and grabbed her shoulders, “Nora, you have to get back in bed…”
“NO!”, she yelled pulling out of her grasp, “I need to go to him. He needs me.”
“Nora, you can’t go to him...” she grabs her shoulders again, forcing her to look her in the eyes, “Listen to me, he’s gone Nora, he’s gone.”
Nora began to shake her head, “No, you’re lying…why, why are you lying?”
“I’m not lying, Nora. I’m sorry, honey…but he’s gone.”
Nora looked at her sister, really seeing her for the first time, “Oh, God,” was all she said before sliding to the floor, bringing her sister with her. Susannah held her while she cried, just like she did when they were kids and she would have a nightmare, but this nightmare was one that she was never going to awake from.
Larry released her from the hospital that morning. She hadn’t spoken since the night before. Susannah glanced over at her as she drove down their street. Nora was staring out the window, silent tears rolling down her face.
Susannah pulled into the driveway. They sat in the car for a few minutes, Nora staring straight ahead at the house. Susannah turned the car off and got out of the car. She walked around to the passenger side and opened Nora’s car door for her. Nora slowly climbed out of the car, never taking her eyes off the front door of the house. Susannah put her arm around Nora’s shoulders, supporting her as they walked onto the front porch. She opened the front door, allowing Nora to walk in first.
MaryAnn stood up from the couch and walked over towards Nora. She stopped halfway, unsure about approaching her. Nora continued to walk towards her, stepping into her warm embrace. MaryAnn pulled her close. Nora broke their embrace and walked towards the stairs, “I…I need to hold my baby.” She paused on the second step, “I need my son, Susannah can you go get my son…please.” Susannah nodded, Nora nodded in return.
She walked down the hallway towards the nursery. She ran her hands over her name, the name that Bo had lovingly painted on the door. She walked into the room and made her way over to her crib. She smiled through her tears at their little girl, their innocent little girl, who had no idea how her world had just been turned upside down. Nora picked her up out of her crib and held her tight against her chest as she settled into the rocking chair beside the window. Nora closed her eyes; leaning her head back against the back of the chair. Her thoughts drifted back to the day that Bo first showed her the rocking chair…
Bo walks behind her, as they make their way down the basement stairs. He leads her over to the middle of the room, uncovering her eyes, “Surprise…”
Nora turns and looks at Bo, the tears welling up in her eyes, “It’s beautiful.”
“Matthew and I found it at an estate sale a few months ago. We’ve been restoring it a little each weekend.”
She leans in and kisses him, “I love you Bo Buchanan.”
He lays his hand on her stomach, “I love you too, Red. More than you’ll ever know.”
Nora was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the front door slam and Matthew’s voice calling her from down in the living room. Nora stood up, kissing Destiny’s forehead before laying her down in the crib. Nora stared at her for a moment, her father’s blue eyes staring back at her. Nora wiped the tears from her eyes, “I love you baby girl…and daddy loves you too.”
Nora made her way downstairs. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and listened to Matthew talking to MaryAnn and Susannah about his weekend at Asa and Renee’s. Nora took a deep breath and walked over to the couch, laying her hand on his head. He turned and looked at her, “Hi mom.”
“Matthew, sweetie, I need to talk to you about something,” she held her hand out to him. Matthew looked between the other adults in the room and his mother. He took her hand and allowed her to take him outside. They walked over to the swings hand in hand. Nora sat down on one of the swings and motioned for Matthew to come and sit on her lap. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed the back of his head, “Matthew, I need to tell you something...something about your father.”
“What about dad?”
“Last night at the Palace hotel there was…well, there was an explosion…and…”
Matthew stood up and turned and faced Nora, shaking his head, “No…don’t…don’t say it…”
“Matthew, sweetie…I’m…I’m sorry…”
“No”, he says backing away from her, “No…he’s not dead…my dad’s not dead.” Matthew ran back into the house.
Nora jumped up off the swing and ran after him. He had already run up the stairs by the time Nora reached the house. Nora jumped when she heard his door slam shut. MaryAnn had left while the two of them were outside. Susannah walked over to where Nora was standing. She reached out and touched Nora’s arm. Nora pulled her arm away from Susannah’s touch. She walked over to the fireplace, turning her back on her sister, “I don’t know what to do, Suze…I…”, she turned and looked at her sister, “I don’t know how to live without him.”
Susannah walked over and stood beside her, “I don’t have the answers, Nora.”
Nora laughed, “Since when. You’ve always had the answers. Tell me…tell me how I’m supposed to live without him…tell me how I’m supposed to raise our children without him. Please, tell me how I’m supposed to that.”
“I wish I knew the right words to say to you.”
Nora nodded, “I know…listen Suze…I think…I really just want to be alone right now.”
“Nora…”
“Please, I want to be alone.”
Susannah just nodded and walked over and picked her purse and her keys up off the desk, “I’ll go over and stay at Viki’s tonight. Call me if you need me, no matter what time.”
Nora nodded and waited until the door closed. She picked up a picture of them off the mantle. She walked over and sat down on the couch, pulling her legs tight against her chest. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift away…
How do I
Get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be?
She flipped through the album from their first wedding. She set it aside and picked up Matthew’s photo album. She couldn’t keep the tears from falling as she flipped through page after page of memories, some of them moments that Bo had missed out on and the rest were memories that they had just begun to create.
Oh I, I need you in my arms
Need you to hold
You’re my world my heart my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
Nora walked upstairs and slowly opened his door. She walked into the room and sat down on the floor beside him. He leaned his head on her shoulder, “I’ll take care of us now, mommy,” he whispered a few minutes later. He laid his head in her lap, and they sat together and talked about him and how much he had loved them. She picked him up and carried him over to his bed when he fell asleep.
Without you
There’d be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There would be no world left for me
She walked back downstairs, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch. She fell into a fitful sleep, her mind filling with only thoughts of him and the life they had shared…
Nora gasped as she took in the sight before her. Bo had filled the room with every kind of flower possible. There was a table for two set off in the corner and candles adorned the room. He led her over to the table and pulled out her chair for her. She turned to look at him and found him no longer beside her, but down on one knee. She smiled through her tears as he held out the most beautiful diamond ring she had ever seen in her life, “Bo…”
Bo struggled to find his voice as the tears began to fall. He took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips, “Nora, I proposed marriage to you once before and on that day you made me the happiest man in the world. We exchanged those vows and then we threw it all away. Since then I’ve proposed marriage to three different women and you’ve agreed to marry two other men since we lost our love. WE never made it to “I do” and the reason is obvious. When I asked you to marry me all those years before it was supposed to be forever, now we took a detour on that road to forever but we’ve finally found our way back and this one, this time there’s no more detours in our way.” He took the ring out of the box and took her left hand in his, “Nora Buchanan, will you do the honor of marrying me…again?”
Nora nodded and watched as he slipped the ring on her finger. She reached out and took his face in her hands, “Yes, Bo Buchanan, I’ll marry you.”
~*~
“Come on honey, one more push and she’ll be here.”
“That’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one doing it, and speaking of doing it, you are never touching me again.”
“Whatever you say, dear.”
A few minutes later, “Look at her honey, she’s…”
“Perfect.”
“That’s right, she’s perfect.”
And I, baby I don’t know what I would do
I’d be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything real in my life
They stand in the cemetery at St. James. She nods, willing the tears to remain unshed as they hand her a folded flag, one that would’ve been draped over a coffin had there been one. She clutches it tight against her chest, jumping as each rifle is fired.
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I
How do I
How do I live?...
If you ever leave
Baby you would take everything
Need you with me
Baby cuz you know you’re everything good in my life
They walked back into the house in silence. Matthew immediately ran up to his room, slamming his door causing Nora to jump at the sound. Susannah carried a sleeping Destiny up to her room. She walked out of the room a few minutes later, finding Nora standing in the doorway to their bedroom.
She followed Nora into the room, keeping her distance, allowing her sister the space she needed. Nora looked around the room, running her hand over the footboard of their bed. She walked over to his closet and pulled down one of his shirts, putting it on over her black dress, pulling it tight around her. She walked over and stood beside the bed, “I can still feel him, Suze…I can still feel the way it felt when he would wrap his arms around me.” She looks over at her sister, “I…I don’t think I can ever sleep in this bed again…not without him. Matthew was conceived in this bed.” She stares at his pillow and continues to speak, “It…it was the night of Drew’s wake. We danced; we held each other so close that night. I told him I could feel his heart beating against me. I remember praying that night that God would give us the child we longed for and we did, but not until they had already missed out on so much.” Susannah walked over to Nora and took her hand. Nora turned and looked at her sister, “I can’t do this…I can’t do it without him.”
“You have to find a way. You have two precious innocent lives sleeping down the hall. They need you; they need you to be there for them.”
She picked up a picture of Bo and Destiny taken just minutes after her birth, “She’s never going to know him. She’s never going to know what a wonderful man he was, how much he loved her.”
“Yes she will. You’ll tell her, you’ll tell her every day how much her father loved her.”
“You know, we named her Destiny because she was what brought us back together. She was the result of one night of passion that ended up bringing us full circle.”
“God gave her to you for a reason, just like he gave Matthew to you. Bo will live on in them, just like he’ll live on in your heart.”
Nora picked Bo’s pillow up off the bed and sat down in the chair in the corner of the room. Susannah covered her with a blanket and kissed her forehead, before walking down the hallway towards the guest room.
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I
How do I
Oh how do I live?
Nora awoke just before sunrise the following morning. She slipped the blanket around her shoulders, knowing the predawn September air would hold a chill. She walked through the dark house making her way out into the backyard. She walked over and sat down on one of the swings. She watched as the sky seemed to explode with more shades of orange and pink then she ever thought imaginable. She pulled the blanket close around her and looked back up at the sky, “I love you, Bo Buchanan, and I promise you that I’ll tell them every day how much their father loved them. Watch over our children…You’ll own my heart forever.”
Oh how do I live?...
In a dimly lit room his eyes slowly flutter open. He looks over at the nurse standing beside him, “Where am I…who are you, and since we’re on the subject, who am I?”
"How Do I Live" by Trisha Yearwood