Chapter Ten:

The next few months flew by, a new year had begun. Christmas had been hard on them all. Nora was exhausted all the time, and she rarely had an appetite. She knew she hadn’t been sleeping like she should but she shouldn’t be as worn out as she was. Her moods were all over the place, also. She found herself crying one minute, flaming mad the next, and when she wasn’t crying or angry, she was just empty.

She was walking into her office one morning when she felt a cramp in her stomach. She paused for a moment and once she caught her breath she walked over to her desk. She picked up the note that was propped up against her phone, ‘Dinner tonight, at the Palace 7:00, James’. Nora laid the note back down on the desk and leaned back in her chair. She had been going out for an occasional dinner with James Cass, the agent that had finally brought the Marcellano organization down. He had been asked by the Mayor to stay on for awhile as acting Commissioner until a replacement could be found. James wanted things to move past the occasional dinner but Nora wasn’t ready, despite what some of her friends have said. She sat back up in her chair and reached for a pen. She needed to get some work done. She needed to turn her feelings off and bury herself in her work; it’s the only way she knew how to deal with all her conflicting feelings.

*~*

The months had flown by just as quickly for Bo. They had skipped celebrating Christmas that year since Michael and Bridget had left their seven year old son back in Ireland with his grandparents. They planned to celebrate it when they returned.

Bo had experienced more flashes of memories. He could see her standing in front of him, but she was so far away. He could never make out her face, just her flaming red hair. The memories came quickly without provocation but he could never make them stay.

His most vivid memory, the one that has had a lasting impression on him, came the day that Bridget gave birth to her baby. They had been the only two at the house; Michael had gone into the city for a briefing. Her labor progressed quickly and the snow left them with no way to get to the hospital in time. Bo delivered the baby and as he watched mother and daughter bond for the first time, his mind saw a baby girl, with fiery red hair and sparkling blue eyes. He had a family; that much he knew now. He just had no idea how to go about finding them.

*~*

Nora glanced at her watch, noticing for the first time that she had gone all day without eating. She reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a handful of coins. She walked down the hallway towards the row of vending machines. She stood in front of them, staring at the selections, not having a craving for anything she saw. She was just about to turn and walk away when she felt a hand on her shoulder; she jumped slightly at the contact, turning around to see who was standing beside her, “Oh, Viki…”

“I’m sorry, Nora. I did not mean to startle you.”

“Oh, don’t apologize”, she looks up and down the hallway, “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Nora and Viki made their way back to her office. Viki took the chair in front of her desk, Nora walked around the desk, knocking the note from James onto the floor. Viki noticed and picked it up. She looked up at Nora, who noticed what she was holding, “He wants to have dinner again, Viki.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

Nora stands up and walks over to the corner of her office, “I don’t know Viki. I’m not ready to think about things like this.” She turns around and looks at her, “Bo was my life. I’m not ready to move on.”

“It’s going to take time, Nora. No one expects you to move on. It’s only been four and a half months. You don’t have to make plans for the future yet…”

Nora laughs, “Future…what future, Viki. Bo was my future.”

Viki walked over and laid her hands on Nora’s shoulder, “Of course, darling, but a few dinners out with a nice man, who seems to enjoy your company does not mean you’ve forgotten about Bo, or that you’re not honoring his memory.”

“He’ll always be my husband”, she places her hand on her heart, “in here. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to open my heart again.”

“Maybe not, but maybe some day you will. Life has a funny way of bringing people into your life to help heal you.”

“You mean like I came into Bo’s life after Sarah? This is different, Viki, so different. Bo and I were meant to find each other that way. I could never have that kind of love with someone else. Bo did not die so that I could find my one great love. He was my one great love and that ended on September 15, 2004.”

“I’m not saying that Agent Cass will replace Bo in your heart. I’m just saying give yourself a chance to have a good time, to be a woman instead of just the DA, or a mother. Go out, have fun, eat.” Viki pulled Nora into a warm embrace. She stepped out of their embrace, her arms still on Nora’s, “You’re still alive, Nora. Let yourself live.”

Nora watched Viki leave. She walked over and picked up the note, sitting down in the chair behind her desk. She stared at the note in front of her but that’s not what she saw. Her mind was 12 years in the past, on a cold winter night in St. James cemetery…

Nora set the card down and picked up the phone, “James, its Nora…about dinner tonight,” she pauses for a moment, her fingers running over the heart that hung around her neck, “Why don’t you pick me up at 6:30…my office.”

*~*

Bo stared at the driver’s license in his hand, “Ryan Devlin, 3899 Summerville Dr. Westchester, NY.” Every time he said the name he felt nothing, he knew it wasn’t who he truly was, but he couldn’t spend the rest of his life without an identity. Michael had pulled some strings with the DEA and got Bo a job with the agency. They trained him as an agent and he picked up what he needed to know quickly. He was partnered with Michael, who had lost his partner in a shoot-out, where Michael was also injured.

Bo stood up off the bed and walked over to the dresser, laying the driver’s license on top of his wallet. He walked back over to the bed and picked up the new items of clothing he had just purchased that afternoon. He opened the bottom drawer, noticing for the first time a pair of pants and a torn shirt. He reached in and pulled them out. He walked over to the bed and laid them out; running his hands over the material, as though they held the answers he was seeking. He picked up the pants and reached into the left pocket, it was empty. He did the same with the right, his heart beginning to race when his fingers brushed against a folded piece of paper stuffed into the corner of the pocket. He unfolded the piece of paper, careful not to rip it. It had obviously been through the wash, but luckily the writing was intact, “Patrick and Marty Thornhart, 25 Davenport Way, Bray Ireland.” He paused for a moment, “Bray, Ireland…”

Bo quickly walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. Bridget was sitting at the table feeding Amelia, she looked up noticing Bo’s expression, “Ryan, you look like you have just seen a ghost.”

“Maybe not a ghost but definitely a piece of my life.” Bo walked over and sat down beside her, “Do you know these people?”

Bridget looked at Bo and smiled, “Yes I do. He’s a Professor of Literature at the school I teach at. He has an American wife and a young daughter. I believe she is the same age as our Michael. They’re a lovely couple.” Bo stood up and started to walk out of the kitchen, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to Ireland. These people just might hold the key to what will give me my life back.”

*~*

Nora and James walked into the Palace Restaurant just after seven that night. Nora glanced around the room, grateful that the restaurant was fairly empty. James held her chair for her, she smiled a cautious smile. They ordered their meals and handed the waiter their menus. Nora stood up, “I’m going to go to the ladies room. I’ll be right back.”

James stood; watching as she made her way towards the exit. Nora stopped halfway across the restaurant; grabbing onto one of the tables. James jumped up out of his chair when he noticed her double over. He rushed over and steadied her from behind, “Nora…Nora what’s wrong?”

“I…I don’t know,” she whispered breathlessly, “I think…” she paused as another cramp hit.

“I think we should go to the hospital,” Nora nodded, “Sit here while I go get our coats.”

Nora and James arrived at the ER ten minutes later. Nora had called Larry who was waiting for them when they arrived, “I’ll take it from here.” James nodded and found a chair across the hall. Larry helped Nora up onto the bed, “Okay, tell me what happened.”

“I’m not really sure, Larry. We were at the Palace. I stood up and walked towards the bathroom. All of a sudden I got hit with a huge cramp.” She took a deep breath as another one hit.

“Have you had any before tonight?”

Nora nodded, “Yes, actually I had a few this morning. I just thought it was because I skipped breakfast.”

“Okay, well I’m going to run a few tests and I would like to do a few exams.” He pats her hand, “It could be something as simple as bad food.”

Larry called Susannah who arrived at the hospital a half hour later. James filled her in on what happened at the Palace and left. Susannah walked into the room and sat down next to her bed. Larry had her hooked up to an IV; replenishing her with fluids. Nora rolled her eyes, trying to make light of the situation, “I’m sorry you had to chase all the way down here for this. I’m sure it’s just something I ate.” Susannah was about to say something when Larry walked in. Nora looked up at him trying to read his face, “So doc, bad clams?”

Larry walked over and set her chart down on the table beside her bed, “No, it’s not bad clams. They were contractions.”

Nora looked up at Larry in shock, “Contractions…I’d have to be pregnant to be having contractions,” She looked between her sister and Larry, shaking her head, “No…no it’s impossible.”

Larry looked at her, “Impossible, Nora?”

“Of course it’s impossible! My husband is dead, how could I be pregnant!”

“Nora, listen to me, okay. You’re almost 18 weeks pregnant.”

Nora stares at him, tears freely falling down her face, “Can you…I want to be alone.” Larry and Susannah nod and leave her alone. She slowly climbs out of bed and wheels the IV stand up to the window. She looks out at the clear star filled sky, “You always felt you had to do the right thing, Buchanan. I spent most of our life together watching you risk your life for others. This time though the price was too high,” she lays her hand on her stomach, “Why Bo, why couldn’t you have just let the FBI do their job, why did you have to put your life on the line? Last time it was the CIA and the Men of 21, this time the FBI. Well where was the damn FBI when you needed them, huh?” She closes her eyes and leans her forehead against the cold glass. Suddenly she could hear his voice. It was so clear, as though he was standing right there beside her, “I told you I’d always find my way back to you…always.” Nora looked down at her hand resting across her stomach, “Looks like you found a way to come back…”