Part Five

Max climbs out of bed and walks over to where she’s standing by the window. He lays a hand on her shoulder, stilling the shaking of her shoulders. She turns around and looks into his concerned eyes. He reaches out and wipes the tears that keep falling onto her cheeks.

She closes her eyes for a moment as a few more tears fall. She opens them and shakes her head, “I’m sorry, Max; this…this is just all so new to me.” She turns back around and looks out the window, “People tell me that I was with Sam, that I loved him and that we were supposed to get married, but I don’t remember it, I don’t feel it.” She reaches up and wipes a tear off her cheek, “The last time I remember making love to anyone I was happily married to Bo.” She turns around and looks at him, “It’s been almost two years since I woke up in the hospital, but even now I…even now there’s a part of me that still feels and thinks I’m married to Bo. It feels as though I just cheated on him all over again, but this time I remember doing it.”

Max reaches out and lays a hand on her cheek, “Its okay, sweetheart, I understand…I do. If you want to call this whole thing off, if this hurts you and causes you too much pain, we’ll call it quits, no hard feelings, no regrets.”

Nora tilts her head to the side, “I…I can’t make you any promises Max. I can’t tell you that one day I’m going to wake up and these feelings are going to be gone, but I also can’t tell you that that won’t happen, someday my mind and heart might catch up. But I know this for certain, there was a reason we ended up in Atlantic City that night, that we ended up married,” she lets out a small laugh, “I’m not exactly sure what that is just yet, but maybe this is what I need to move on with my life.” She shrugs and smiles, “Maybe this will end up being my happily ever after.”

~*~

Meanwhile across town, Bo slowly walks into the station. The desk sergeant looks up from his paperwork, “What are you doing here, boss? It’s the middle of the night.”

Bo stops in front of the desk and rifles through his messages. He looks up and forces a smile, “Couldn’t sleep is all. I’m going to be in my office if anyone needs me.”

Bo walks into his office and sits down behind his desk. He reaches into the box on the edge of his desk and pulls the files out. He sets them down in front of him and begins to look through the papers, placing his signature where required. He barely noticed the words in front of him, his mind filled with way too many thoughts that he shouldn’t be thinking.

He looks through the window at the activities in the squad room, the officers coming and going, nothing needing his immediate attention. He looks around his office, the silence was almost deafening. He stands up and walks over to the small radio he had perched on a shelf behind his desk. He flips it on and lies down on the couch, closing his eyes, draping his arm over his face.

Funny when you stop and think
Times goes faster then you blink
Nothings ever like it was
But girl we've got a special thing
All the happiness it brings
Is more than enough

Nora climbs back out of bed after trying to fall back to sleep. She looks over at Max who is sound asleep. She picks her robe up off the chair and slips it on, quietly making her way out of the room. She walks down the stairs, tying her robe as she walks into her office.

She turns on a small lamp on top of the bookshelf and sits down behind her desk. She pulls a few files out of her pending pile and begins to flip through them, jotting down notes as she reads. Occasionally the words in front of her blur together as she stares at them, her mind existing in another world, another place. She stands up and flips on the radio behind her and walks over to the window, leaning her chin on her elbows that rest on the bookshelf, looking out over the darkened back yard.

I know its hard to believe
You’re still the biggest part of me
All I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
And need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
All I ever wanted was you
You’re still the one

It's hard to breathe when were apart
You’re like sunshine in my heart
I keep you here inside
You've been everything to me
You've been and always will be
The apple of my eye

Bo sits up, the words of the song causing his chest to tighten and a lump to form in his throat. He shouldn’t be thinking these things about her. He shouldn’t be questioning his present and his future for what might have beens from the past. The past is over and done with. He thinks about the woman lying in their bed at home. He knows he can love her, care about her, maybe someday make promises of forever, but what about his heart. Could he really give her his heart?

He wants to get up and turn it off before the words bring him anymore pain but he can’t. It’s as though the words have a hold on him and they won’t let go.

If you love me
look into my eyes and say you do
I've been waiting all my life
for someone just like you
Baby all that we've been through
Girl I'm still in love with you
And I want you to know I do, I do

Nora props her chin up on her fist, still staring out the window. The words the singer is singing brings fresh tears to her eyes. She thinks about the man lying in her bed upstairs and she knows he’s one of her best friends, someone who will always be there for her, and has been there for her so many times even though she can’t remember. She could love him, she could be his wife, lover and friend, but what about her heart, could she give him her heart?

She looks over at the radio, wanting to turn it off and shut out the feelings the words are invoking but she can’t, it’s as though she’s frozen in place, destined to listen to these words despite the pain they’re causing.

I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
You’re still the one

She turns out the light and heads back upstairs, the words of the song still running through her mind as she climbs back into bed. Maybe there really is only one person out there for every one, but that doesn’t mean she can’t make a life with some one else. She knows deep down whom the biggest part of her heart would forever belong to, but as she watches her husband sleep she makes a silent vow, to give him what is left of her heart, and to finally let go.

Bo opens the door to the garret and walks through the dark living room towards their bedroom. The words of the song he had heard run through his mind as he climbs back into bed. He knows deep down who will forever hold the biggest part of his heart, but as he watches her sleep he makes a silent vow, a vow to give her what is left of his heart, and to finally let go.

All I ever wanted was you.
You’re still the one…

Still by Brian McKnight

TBC...